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Book Expo America -2008

June 2nd, 2008 · 1 Comment · Art, Events and Interviews, Politics, Tour

Every year booksellers, publishers, and authors meet in an agreed upon city and talk about why the book business is going to to hell in a handbasket while eating, drinking, and standing next to each other for photos. It’s my chance to have brushes with fame!
Shortly after arriving, I ran into Neil Stephenson, author of Snow Crash, the Diamond Age, a bunch of others, and the upcoming Anathema. (Or somthing really close to that, they wouldn’t give me a copy.) Here I am tilting my head by Neal, who has to stand there because we have the same publisher and they will fire him if he’s mean to me.

Chris with Neal Stephenson

Later I tried to convince people that by rubbing Neal’s head they could become smarter, because he is a genius. The plan failed, however, because I tried to charge $20 bucks a rub and it turns out that people won’t pay that kind of money to be smarter. Then we went out to dinner with a bunch of people from my publisher and I was allowed to go because I am the slow kid and they have to be nice to me.


Here is Neal Stephenson’s appetizer. It contains nanobots that go through your system and give you a hand job from the inside. I didn’t order it because it was $29 and I thought that was a little steep for a nanobot hand job.
But, little did I know, that the nanobots would actually turn Neal into an evil genius super-villian, and migrate over to my plate of raw fish shaped like bacon to turn me into a super hero.
As a super hero, I was able to hang our with all kinds of famous people, even dead ones…

Then it was the next day, and I had sort of pooped out my super nanobots and was normal again. But I got to stand next to some more authors.
Here I am with James Rollins, author of many best-selling thrillers as well as the novelization of Indian Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I am wearing his cool hat. I want one.
Here’s T. Jefferson Parker, or T-Jeff, as he’s known in the hood. He writes terrific crime novels.


Then the guitar player for Guns and Roses and famous shagger of porn stars, Slash, came to the booth and chatted. I talked him into signing a copy of the a book with a tiny dog butt on it.
Here, my friend, author, Michael Spradlin, holds the tiny dog butt book, which is going to bring a fortune on Ebay.


OMG! How many of these do you think there are in the world? I’ll tell you: ONE! I have more nostrils than that! It’s priceless:

But we will trade it for a Van Gogh or a signed Lou Gerig rookie card. Slash was a pretty nice guy, which sort of surprised us, because he used to be seen around Axel Rose.
It doesn’t really get a whole lot better than that, so I have to leave it you with a priceless tiny dog-butt book.
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