Christopher Moore's Blog

Every year booksellers, publishers, and authors meet in an agreed upon city and talk about why the book business is going to to hell in a handbasket while eating, drinking, and standing next to each other for photos. It’s my chance to have brushes with fame!
Shortly after arriving, I ran into Neil Stephenson, author of Snow Crash, the Diamond Age, a bunch of others, and the upcoming Anathema. (Or somthing really close to that, they wouldn’t give me a copy.) Here I am tilting my head by Neal, who has to stand there because we have the same publisher and they will fire him if he’s mean to me.

Later I tried to convince people that by rubbing Neal’s head they could become smarter, because he is a genius. The plan failed, however, because I tried to charge $20 bucks a rub and it turns out that people won’t pay that kind of money to be smarter. Then we went out to dinner with a bunch of people from my publisher and I was allowed to go because I am the slow kid and they have to be nice to me.

Here is Neal Stephenson’s appetizer. It contains nanobots that go through your system and give you a hand job from the inside. I didn’t order it because it was $29 and I thought that was a little steep for a nanobot hand job.
But, little did I know, that the nanobots would actually turn Neal into an evil genius super-villian, and migrate over to my plate of raw fish shaped like bacon to turn me into a super hero.

As a super hero, I was able to hang our with all kinds of famous people, even dead ones…

Then it was the next day, and I had sort of pooped out my super nanobots and was normal again. But I got to stand next to some more authors.
Here I am with James Rollins, author of many best-selling thrillers as well as the novelization of Indian Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I am wearing his cool hat. I want one.

Here’s T. Jefferson Parker, or T-Jeff, as he’s known in the hood. He writes terrific crime novels.

Then the guitar player for Guns and Roses and famous shagger of porn stars, Slash, came to the booth and chatted. I talked him into signing a copy of the a book with a tiny dog butt on it.

Here, my friend, author, Michael Spradlin, holds the tiny dog butt book, which is going to bring a fortune on Ebay.

OMG! How many of these do you think there are in the world? I’ll tell you: ONE! I have more nostrils than that! It’s priceless:

But we will trade it for a Van Gogh or a signed Lou Gerig rookie card. Slash was a pretty nice guy, which sort of surprised us, because he used to be seen around Axel Rose.

It doesn’t really get a whole lot better than that, so I have to leave it you with a priceless tiny dog-butt book.
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