Hey Kids,
It’s that time again, and in honor of our favorite brain-eating holiday season,
here’s a candy-striped peppermint bunch of Zombie Haiku, with selections by
Billy Collins and your very Own Author Guy, as well as some
talented writers and comedians.(Thanks to Ryan Mecham for putting this site together.)
And while we’re on the subject, here’s that link I promised where you can order signed copies of The Stupidest Angel. The perfect Christmacaquanza gift.
Your homework, if you decide to accept it, is to write your own Christmas Zombie Haiku.
If you missed 6th grade, the format is
five syllables,
seven syllables
five syllables
But if you come up with a really funny one, no one will hold a syllable or two against you. (But if you do happen to be in a crowd, and someone starts holding his syllable against you, report them to security, because that shit is not in the Christmas spirit. Or, better yet, hand them some twinkle lights and some tinsel and tase them, bro. See if you can make the lights come on.)
Eating gray matter
Does not make you smart you know
I like Skittles best
A Dawn of the Dead haiku
Let’s go to the mall
We can live there forever
Who forgot the food?
Will Author Guy post
A new blog before Christmas?
Did zombies get him?
The Ultimate Goal
Brains are all I need
Mindless, thoughtless, no control
Now living the Dream
Twas’ Christmas night time
And no mouse there was stirring
Cause Zombies ate it
Ha ha ha Merry Christmas : )
‘Helpful Hints for Left-Overs Night: Number 7′
Pinch of tarragon
Makes day-old brains taste alive
Hmm, it’s a good thing.
Why are brains so good?
Because they’re soft and squishy…
Toilet time is hell.
Zombie reindeer prance
Dashing brains about the snow
Rudolph’s bloody snout
Inconvenient truth
Zombies environmental
Leave a trail of gore
Forty below here
Zombie frozen treats from cold
Canadian brains
Between the shadow
and zombies jaws lies the dull
coiled evil of man
(with apologies to T.S. Eliot)
Have to say, Wingnut’s takes first prize for me; honourable mention to the zombie cat’s meow.
Oh…Christmas Zombie Haiku…Well then.
Silent zombie night.
There hasn’t been a scream yet.
Anticipation.
Watch out for zombies,
Underneath the Christmas tree.
They’re small, but they bite.
Christmas zombies rule!
Your cranium makes them drool.
Christmas brains taste good.
Oh, Yuletide Zombie,
You’d eat me on Christmas Eve?
I hope I taste bad.
Ow! stop doing that.
Jeeze, quit chewing on my head.
It’s Christmas time, yo?
Zombie Christmas, Zom-
bie Christmas Zombie Christmas,
Zombie Christmas, Zom.
Santa brought me brains.
I don’t need any more brains!
I wonder ’bout Santa.
Rudolph looks so bright.
Sure, he’ll eat your brains tonight,
But he won’t know why.
such a silent night
rudely interrupted by
the calls for your brains
This isn’t a haiku but I thought I’d share the marching chants of the zombies in the Humans Verses Zombies game on our campus:
What do we want?
Braaaains!
When do we want it?
Braaaains!
Also not a haiku, but I wrote this during a D&D game when we were supposed to be writing “orcish cooking songs.” It involves zombies and is sung (more or less) to the tune of “all i want for christmas is my two front teeth.”
*chorus* Oh, you never really know ‘em ’till you eat their brains
you eat their brains, yes you eat their brains
You never really know ‘em ’till you eat their brains
You eat their yummy brains!
I didn’t know my mommy and I didn’t know my daddy
I didn’t know my baby sister too
But I’ve known a bunch of goblins and I’ve known a bunch of kobolds
and I Knew that random pile of goo!
*chorus* Oh, you never really know ‘em ’till you eat their brains
you eat their brains, yes you eat their brains
You never really know ‘em ’till you eat their brains
You eat their yummy brains!
The silly little elf-ies might think it’s crude
and even chunky dwarf-ies might think it’s rude
but I agree with Zombies, it’s just good food
I like eating brains.
*chorus* Oh, you never really know ‘em ’till you eat their brains
you eat their brains, yes you eat their brains
You never really know ‘em ’till you eat their brains
You eat their yummy brains!