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The Undead of Christmas

November 12th, 2009 · 13 Comments · Uncategorized

Hey Kids,

The chilly claws of winter are scratching at the door,

it gets dark at 5:00, and slick of smashed pumpkins has finally

 worn off the sidewalks, which can mean only one thing… That’s right,

the apocalypse is nigh!

No wait, it means that the holiday season is

looming over us like a great cinnamon-scented

bird of prey. And nothing hits the spot during the holidays like Zombies

. (The cheesy goldfish crackers of story-telling.) So, in honor of that,

here’s a guest blog, sample of Mike Spradlin’s the new book:

It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Zombies: A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols

ZOMBIE THE SNOW MAN

(Sung to the tune of Frosty, The Snowman

Zombie the Snow Man was a jolly, happy ghoul,

With a corncob pipe and some boy’s nose and two eyes he got at school.

Zombie the Snow Man is a fairy tale, they say;

He was undead it’s so, but the children know how he came

Back to life one day.

There must have been a virus in that old silk hat they found,

For when they placed it on his head, he began to dance around.

Oh, Zombie the Snow Man was alive as he could be,

And the children say he ate brains all day as they tried to run away.

Zombie the Snow Man knew the brains were fresh that day,

So he said,”Please run, because it’s lots more fun when I eat your brain that way”.

Down through the village with a femur in his hand,

Running here and there all around the square, sayin’

“Decaptiate me if you can!”

He chased them through the streets of town and ate the traffic cop

And he barely paused a moment when, he heard the cops brain pop!”

Zombie the Snow Man had to hurry on his way,

But he waved good-by, sayin’, “Please do cry and I’ll eat your brains again someday!”

Thumpety thump thump, thumpety thump thump,

Look at that Frosty go;

Thumpety thump thump, thumpety thump thump,

Over the hills of snow.

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13 Comments so far ↓

  • WotV

    Will you be my best friend? I just love how you think.

  • Cid

    wow – I think I very well might need that for this holiday season.

    <3

  • daisyfae

    looks tasty. great songs, i’m sure granny will love them. but i didn’t see “I Want to Skip a Shotgun Blast for Christmas” (to the tune of “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas”). Maybe the sequel?

  • Shonna

    That would be such a welcome relief hearing something like that as opposed to the muzak carols we’re already hearing in some stores (not even Thanksgiving yet…obscene!)

  • Nobody

    I love your blog Chris. It keeps me entertained. Your sense of humor is so much fun. You’re never boring. You’ve inspired me to get off my arse and start a new project. The old one was starting to suck even deeper than a vampyre. Sometimes we just have to reinvent ourselves. Someone said the definition of insanity is continuing to do the same thing and expecting a different result (like success)

  • Dog Bit Steve

    Why do suddenly feel hungry?

  • Richard Kray

    Wow. Zombies are everywhere it seems. I really hope my agent gives me an early christmas present and sells my zombie books. They don’t have any christmas carols in them, but hey – we can’t all be that awesome. I’m just glad I can describe a good brain eating with some degree of aptitude.

  • Shaky Jake

    I just saw this book in Barnes & Noble the other day (during my pre-work bargaining and depression ritual) and spotted your name on it. I thought, “Hey, I know this gent!” Although, I don’t really know you, but I do know your blog!

    Anyhow, picked it up on the spot because I figured that if you’d write the forward for it, I might as well give it a go.

    Also, is next year going to be a Yetti Christmas? Because I’ve got ideas…

  • Robynn

    Well, you’ve solved my conundrum over what to do for the holidays. Going carolling at completely inappropriate times? HECK YES.

  • Larziehead

    I cannot wait to check out the Zombie Christmas carol book… Now I know what to get my parents!

    It’s about that time to break out my audiobook of The Stupidest Angel once again. Ah… Christmas traditions! :)

  • SteveE

    I was so inspired by these carols that I had to buy another copy of The Stupidest Angel for my daughter for Christmas! It’s good to know, Mr. Moore, that great minds like yours are there to remind us of the important things in life during this special holiday season…. The Zombie Apocalypse is still only a little boy’s wish away…

  • WayneS

    I assume he’s saving “Grandma got eaten by Zombie” for Volume 2?

  • Bruce

    Why do suddenly feel hungry?

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