Christopher Moore’s Blog

BITE ME TOUR 2010 – Scroll to the Bottom for Answers to Frequently Asked Questions

Tuesday, March 23 at 7:00 PM
BOOKS INC. AT OPERA PLAZA
601 Van Ness, San Francisco, CA 91402

Wednesday, March 24 at 7:00 PM
UNIVERSITY BOOKS
4326 University Way NE
Seattle WA 98105

Thursday, March 25 at 7:00PM
THIRD PLACE BOOKS
17171 Bothell Way NE,
Lake Forest Park, WA 98155

Friday, March 26 at 7:00 PM
POWELL’S BOOKSTORE AT BAGDAD THEATER
3702 SE Hawthorne Blvd,
Portland, OR, 97210
Tickets $24. Ticket includes a signed copy of Bite Me. Ticket buyers who purchase through Ticketmaster.com will have a surcharge of around $7 per ticket. As an alternative, walk-up customers can buy tickets at McMenamin’s Crystal Ballroom box office (1332 W. Burnside, downtown Portland) anytime leading up to the event and pay a $1 ticket surcharge. Customers can purchase at the door the night of the event (also a $1 ticket surcharge), but will risk not getting in should the event sell out. (Not likely).

Saturday, March 27 at 2:00 PM
POISONED PEN PHOENIX STORE
4014 N Goldwater Blvd
Scottsdale, AZ  85251

Saturday, March 27 at 7:00 PM
CHANGING HANDS
6428 S McClintock Dr., Tempe, AZ 85283

Sunday, March 28 at 2:00 PM
TATTERED COVER BOOKSTORE
1628 16th Street
Denver, CO 80202

Tuesday, March 30 at 12:30 PM
BORDERS
150 N State Street,t
Chicago, IL 60601

Tuesday, March 30 at 7:00 PM
ANDERSON’S NAPERVILLE
123 W. Jefferson Avenue,
Naperville, IL 60540

Wednesday, March 31 at 7:00 PM
BOSWELL BOOK COMPANY
2559 N. Downer Avenue,
Milwaukee, WI 53211

Thursday, April 1 at 7:30 PM
THURBER HOUSE
The Columbus Performing Arts Center
549 Franklin Ave,
Columbus, OH.

Friday, April 2 at 7:00 PM
BROOKLINE BOOKSMITH
279 Harvard Street,
Brookline, MA 02446

Saturday, April 3 at 6:00 PM
BORDERS
10 Columbus Circle,
New York, NY 10019

Monday, April 5 at 6:30 PM
CHESTER COUNTY BOOKS
975 Paoli Pike,
West Chester, PA 19380

Tuesday, April 6 at 7:30 PM
BORDERS
5871 Crossroads Center Way,
Baileys Crossroads, VA 22041

Wednesday, April 7 at 7:00 PM
POLITICS & PROSE
5015 Connecticut Avenue NW, Washington, DC 20008

Friday, April 9 at 7:00 PM
VROMAN’S
695 East Colorado Boulevard,
Pasadena, CA 91101

Saturday, April 10 at 2:00 PM
MYSTERIOUS GALAXY BOOKS
7051 Clairemont Mesa Boulevard Suite 302,
San Diego, CA 92111

Sunday, April 11- Huntington Beach
Barnes & Noble at 3 PM
7881 Edinger Avenue Huntington Beach, CA 92647
714-897-8781

Corte Madera – Wednesday, April 14
Book Passage at 7:00 PM
51 Tamal Vista Blvd.
Corte Madera, CA 94925
415.927.0960

Petaluma – Thursday, April 15
Copperfield’s at 7:00 PM
140 Kentucky St. Petaluma 95404
(707) 762-0563.

Menlo Park- Friday, April 16
Kepler’s at 7:30 PM
1010 El Camino Real Menlo Park, CA 94025
650-856-0978

Sunday, April 18 / 10:00 AM – Montreal
Paragraphe Books & Brunch
Le Centre Sheraton, 1201 Boulevard Rene-Levesque West
For tickets, call (514) 845-5811

Monday, April 19 / 7:30 PM – Ottawa
Perfect Books presents Christopher Moore
The Mayfair Theatre, 1074 Bank Street
For tickets, call (613) 231-6468

Tuesday, April 20 / 7:00 PM – Toronto
Chapters Queensway presents Christopher Moore
Chapters, 1950 The Queensway
For more information, call (416) 622-2838

Wednesday, April 21 / 7:00 PM – Waterloo
Words Worth Books presents Christopher Moore
Location: First United Church, 16 William Street West
For tickets call, (519) 884-2665

FAQ:

1) Hey, why aren’t you coming to my town? You never come to my town?

1)We pick dates and cities for the tour based on a lot of factors, population, ease of travel, how much mail I get from that area, and if there is a bookstore there who knows how to host an event and has a venue in which to do it. I can really only effectively tour for a month a year, and some would argue that’s too long. We have to hit the most people with the greatest ease of travel. When I was touring in February, we had to cut the Midwest from the tour because of weather, this year, I’m not doing Texas or Florida because we added the Chicago dates. I don’t choose the cities, they are determined from a lot of factors. If you don’t have a at least a dozen best-selling authors coming to your town every year, then you probably don’t have an event-oriented book store.

2)Will you sign other books I bring to the event.

2)My policy is that I will sign any of my books that you bring, but usually I can only personalize one because of time constraints. Most of the stores that host events require that you buy the current book from them. If you’re a collector or reseller, and you have a backpack full of books, you have to wait until last to have your books signed. This tour will have a few ticketed events. Usually the price of the ticket includes a book, or the price of the ticket discounted against the book. I understand that at some of the events they’ll have me sign the books in advance, so if you don’t want to wait in line, you won’t have to, but if you want to wait to have your book personalized or just to say hi, I’ll be there. So far I think Powell’s in Portland may be the only one doing that.

3)What can I expect at the event? Do you read, talk, do puppet shows?

3)I don’t read, but I usually talk about the book and other stuff for about 20-30 minutes, then take your questions for another 20 minutes or so, then I sign books until we’re done. If it’s a big event, and you want your book personalized, it can take an hour or two. Some places allow you to stay in your seat, others, there’s an actual line. It just depends on the venue. If you’re not sure, give them a call beforehand.

You guys, here’s a few updates to the tour schedule. They’ve added another event in L.A on the 14th, as well as the Philly and D.C. dates at the end. Ann Arbor, Chicago, and perhaps other Midwest venues yet to come, and probably another Bay Area or two.

Feb.10: Books Inc, Opera Plaza, SF (Launch)
Feb. 11: Book Passage, Corte Madera
Feb. 12: Mysterious Galaxy, San Diego
Feb. 13: B & N, Santa Monica
Feb. 14: Borders, Northridge
Feb. 15: 3rd Place, Seattle
Feb. 16: University, Seattle
Feb. 17: Powell’s, Portland
Feb. 19: Tattered Cover, Denver
Feb. 20: Boulder Bookstore, Boulder
Feb. 22: Bookpeople, Austin
Feb. 23: Wordsmith, Atlanta
Feb. 25: B & N Lincoln Center, NYC
Feb. 26: Chester County Books, PA
Feb. 27: Politics & Prose, Washington DC

Hey Kids, here’s the tentative schedule for my tour for Fool in February.

You know I think the world of you and would like to make peanut butter toast for each and every one of you (unless you have a peanut allergy, in which case, I’d like to make you toast and stab you in the leg with an epi pen.), but I don’t pick the cities and I can’t add cities because you ask, even if I want to.

And here is what’s confirmed, and the cities still to come:

Feb. 10: Books Inc., Opera Plaza, San Francisco CA
Feb. 11: Book Passage, Corte Madera CA
Feb. 12: Mysterious Galaxy, San Diego CA
Feb. 13: Barnes & Noble, Santa Monica CA
Feb. 15: Third Place Books, Lake Forest Park, WA
Feb. 16: University Bookstore, Seattle WA
Feb. 17: Powell’s, Portland OR
Feb. 19: Tattered Cover Lodo, Denver CO
Feb. 20: Boulder Bookstore, Boulder CO
Feb. 22: Bookpeople, Austin TX
Feb.23: Wordsmith, Atlanta GA
Feb. 25: Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Square, NYC

Still to be Confirmed: Chester County Bookstore, Philadelphia; Washington DC, Ann Arbor, Chicago, Minneapolis, Phoenix/Tempe, additional SF/Bay area appearances. I’m told they are working on some sort of Canadian tour, but I’ll believe it when I see it.

Details will follow soon. What normally happens — I talk for 30-40 minutes, take questions for 20 minutes or so, sign books until everyone gets their books signed. The signing policy varies for each bookstore, but usually I’ll sign as many books as you bring, but I can only personalize one or two due to time constraints. The bookstores usually ask that you buy at least one book at their store, though. (You’ll have to inquire about that. I’ll post the store addresses and phone numbers as the time approaches. ) If you’re a dealer or collector and you have a backpack full of books, I ask that you wait until everyone else has had their books signed.

Contest news coming up, but start thinking about your “most foolish picture of you and a Christopher Moore book”.

“We’re on a mission from God.”

Chris Moore: So before you wrote The Tiny Templar did you ever practice any medieval combat?

Mike Spradlin: No. And the book is called The Youngest Templar.

Chris Moore: Whatever. Did you ever bash anyone in the head with one of those spiky things on a chain?

Mike Spradlin: A mace?

Chris Moore: I guess. Whatever!

Mike Spradlin: No. But when I was six I did shoot one of my sister’s boyfriends in the butt with my Robin Hood Bow & Arrow set. Does that count?

Chris Moore: Was he severely wounded?

Mike: No. Well, I had removed the suction cup tip from the arrow so I imagine it smarted pretty good.

Chris Moore: Cool! So what is the Tiny Templar about?

Mike: It tells the story of a young orphan boy who becomes a squire to a Templar Knight and during a battle in the Holy Land…

Chris: Do people get their heads bashed in?

Mike: Um. Yes. But you see during this battle in the Holy Land the young squire is given the Holy Grail….

Chris: And he uses it to bash someone’s head in!

Mike: Well. No. He doesn’t do that. He’s ordered to return the Grail to England for safe-keeping.

Chris: And he takes the Grail and bashes in Richard the Lionheart’s head?

Mike: No. But Richard the Lionheart is in the book.

Chris: Who else is in the book?

Mike: On his trip to England he is rescued from bandits by a young archer who hails from Sherwood Forest near the shire of Nottingham. Later they meet up with a girl who is a member of Al Hashshashin, a Muslim warrior cult. They team up with Tristan.

Chris: Does the girl warrior happen to carry one of those spiky things on a chain? I love a chick with a spiky thing on a chain.

Mike: No, but she does carry twin daggers.

Chris: Awesome. So there’s lots of battles and explosions and head bashing.

Mike: Yes. And it ends in a pretty terrific cliff hanger. The Youngest Templar is the first book in a trilogy.

Chris: Does the main character die?

Mike: Well, it’s the first book of a trilogy so…

Chris: How about this? Have readers send you $1 and he lives, $2 and he dies?

Mike: Um. Well. Sure, I could think about that I guess.

Chris: Where can readers find your book?

Mike: Visit my website www.michaelspradlin.com or www.theyoungesttemplar.com but its available wherever books are sold.

Chris: What about www.thetinytemplar.com ?

Mike: Um. No website there. Sorry. And the book is called THE YOUNGEST TEMPLAR: KEEPER OF THE GRAIL by Michael P. Spradlin

Chris: Good luck!

Mike: Thanks!

A TINY TEMPLAR OF YOUR VERY OWN!

Your author guy is going to be on Live Wire radio, Saturday, June 21st, at 8:00 pm.
Details at:
http://www.livewireradio.org/
I have no idea what to expect. Sounds like it could be like Prairie Home Companion.

Hey kids, just a note to let you know that I’m off to book tour Germany and do some research in Italy. I won’t be able to check messages, e-mail, or comments very much until June. If I get a place with a good connection and I have some time I’ll try to post some pics or a quick blog.
If you’re a bookseller and going to BEA in Los Angeles at the end of May, I’ll be signing there. See ya.

Hey kids. Not to get all “it’s all about me” on you, but here’s another interview I did recently with the Amazon Kindle Blog Peeps. I was just going to paste the link, but I honestly can’t find it.
The Authorguy talks to the Kindle Peeps.
You’ve been writing for quite awhile now and have certainly secured a certain fan base and popularity as an author. How would you describe your “average fan” and to what do you attribute your ability to maintain this cult status?
Well, I think the secret to cult status is not to sell enough books that anyone actually thinks anyone else has ever heard of you. I’ve achieved this by a targeted program of stealth publicity, which utilizes cutting edge technology and is enormously expensive, but remains totally undetectable. My average reader is a 37 year old trauma nurse who is divorced and has 1.7 kids. I have fans that are 13 year old Goth girls and 70 year old grandmothers (not at the same time) but nursie is the mean.
How do you react when a new book is about to be released? Do you pop Percocet, go into hiding, or is this all just old hat?
Yes popping Percocet and hiding is my normal, day to day life. Usually what I’m doing before a book comes out is working out at the gym a lot to get in shape for the book tour. I know that sounds ridiculous, but a different airport, hotel, bookstore, and crowd every day for a month can really wear you down. I find that the better shape I’m in, the better chance I have of not getting sick. As a writer you spend a year in a room making clicky noises on a keyboard, with little to no outside contact, so you develop the immune system of a bubble boy. Then you go out, climb into a can with 200 other humans, and get hurtled through the sky while breathing each others fumes, then eat and drink strange things and have a couple of hundred people line up to shake hands and breathe on you every night – and you don’t know where any of them has been. I’m not saying it’s not fun, I’m just saying that you can catch the sniffles or the plague pretty easy. So, you know, push ups and treadmill and stuff help.
Do you consider your career as separate from the rest of your life? Do you have a sort of “home from work” mentality, or is the writing just a natural part of your lifestyle?
Writing is what I do and who I am. My entire life revolves around the book I’m working on, the one I’m about to start, or the one that just came out. Either by research, travel, promotion – whatever. I think about it all the time. And I like it that way.
Although all of your books have been optioned for films, you have said that as of yet “none of them are in any danger of being made into a movie.” Which novel do you think would translate best into this medium and since you’ve already exercised your screenwriting chops with ‘Griff’ would you prefer to write the screenplay?
I’m not really interested in writing the screenplay for any of them. Originally I wanted to do Bloodsucking Fiends myself, but since then I’m worked in Hollywood a little and I’d rather not work under those circumstances. With books I don’t have some lawyer second-guessing what I write. I’d like to see A Dirty Job made into a film for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is the Hellhounds, who are giant, 400 pound, indestructable dogs who eat toasters and stuff and basically rule. I think it would be cool to see them. Chris Columbus has that book and I think he’s terrifically talented, so I’m really hoping to see it made.
To give ‘You Suck’s’ goth teen Abby Normal the right vernacular, you spent a lot of time trolling MySpace and various vampire-themed websites and blogs. What is the most alarming or hilarious thing you came across in your research?
I think the biggest surprise was the casualness that kids had toward sex. I sort of expected the dread and the darkness and the morose attitudes, but the sex thing threw me. I remember reading one girl’s blog talking about having had sex with three different guys in the previous 24 hours and coming home to find her step-father having a wank in the living room, and she sort of listed all the events with about the same gravity as she did describing buying a new “Emily” hoody. I incorporated that sort of jaded precociousness into the character, but it was definitely not what I expected. The funniest thing was the way these Goth kids would change from morbid to perky with whiplash transitions. One sentence talking about the meaningless of life and how it wasn’t worth going on in the uncaring, harsh world (horny for the grave, is the term I use for it) and the next going off about the great new green Carebear that their mom bought them today.
This month marks the first anniversary of Kurt Vonnegut’s death. Which of his works influenced you the most?
Galapagos and Bluebeard. The first because of it’s take on human evolution, about how our big brains really weren’t that great an idea, and the second because of the unorthodox way in which it’s told, with Vonnegut saying that you could arrange the passages in any order and they would still work. And you know what, he’s right. I experimented with it. Overall, his influence was his “getting away with it”, if that makes any sense. It inspired me to try to get away with it, too.
While you’re working on your novels, you very helpfully keep fans at bay (or at least try to) by suggesting books to read while they’re waiting for the latest Christopher Moore offering to be released. What are you reading now?
Well, I think we all know that because you work for Amazon, you can probably look at my buying record and answer that. (But I’ve blocked the web cam, so you can’t actually WATCH me read. And the helmet blocks your Amazon purchasing waves. And just try and get by the garlic over the door!) Anyway, I suppose we’ll go through this ruse as if you don’t really know. I’m reading The Private Lives of the Impressionists, by Susan Roe, and Vincent Van Gogh: A Self-Portrait in Art and Letters by H. Anna Suh. I just finished reading Gentlemen of the Road by Michael Chabon. I have about fifty books I’m supposed to be reading for comment, which I’ll never get to, but I assure you they are all wonderful and everyone should buy two copies of each.
You’ve held down an eclectic mix of jobs prior to becoming a successful writer from roofer to DJ, and have hung around with marine biologists and taken flying lessons to research the occupations of the characters in your books. If you weren’t a novelist, how would you like to make a living?
How would I like to make a living? I think being a marine mammal biologist would be very cool. I wouldn’t mind doing stand-up or radio if I could do it without someone telling me what to do all the time (although I have no delusions about those things being easy.) I’d like to take pictures for a living, too. What I’d probably be doing, though, is waiting tables.
Who was your favorite Buffy: Kristy Swanson or Sarah Michelle Geller?
That’s tough. I liked them both, but I guess because of the seven-year run of the series, Sarah Michelle Geller is my iconic Buffy.
In the postscript of Lamb, you ask people not to take his take on Christ’s missing 30 years as serious stuff. How much negative feedback did he actually get from readers? How many of those had actually read the book vs. just taking offense with the premise?
I’ve received over 20,000 e-mails regarding Lamb since the book came out in 2002. Three (3) have been negative. Two were from people who hadn’t actually read the book (both from Alabama, by the way), but who just didn’t like the idea of it. I’m sure they are happily performing some act of human cruelty on behalf of God right now. The other was from a retired Monsignor from Montreal, who took issue with my theology, which is completely understandable. As a Catholic monsignor you are not trained to take the Gospels as being “open to interpretation”.
If you were hosting a dinner party for eight writers, who would your seven guests be? What would you serve?
John Steinbeck, Lord Byron, Charles Dickens, Mark Twain, Oscar Wilde, George Bernard Shaw, William Shakespeare, and I would serve strawberry banana smoothies, because the blender would scare the crap out of Shakespeare and that might be fun to watch.
What’s the most absurd thing you own?
A tuxedo. Then again, maybe the stuffed squirrel wearing an Elizabethan gown. But that could come in handy. No, definitely the tuxedo.
You’re a fantastically funny guy. What or whom is funny to you these days?
I’ve been sort of immersed in British humor for the last couple of years as I worked on a book set in medieval England, which will be out next year, so lately: Eddie Izzard, Richard Curtis (screenwriter of Four Weddings and Funeral and Many Others), Mil Millington, Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders in their various series. (The Vicar of Dibley, which stars French, was written by Curtis as well.) P.G. Wodehouse. H.H. Munro. As far as comedians, I always go see Jake Johannsen and Paula Poundstone when they are in town. I like My Name is Earl, a lot – Jamie Pressly always cracks me up, and I thought 30 Rock got pretty good as the season went on. The Office is good, but it kind of makes me squirm, as does Larry David’s show. Except for Mil Millington, I haven’t discovered many “new” funny writers in the last few years. I’d love to, but I keep picking up books that say they are funny but simply aren’t.
You’ve gotten to dive with whales and take trips to the South Pacific as book research. In Christopher Moore’s perfect world, what would be next?
I’m going to learn to paint with oils and speak French (yeah, at the same friggin time). Really. I want to do another whale book and hang out with the killer whale guys (they’ve invited me to hang out), but my agent keeps telling me not to do it because people hate whales, so that has to wait until he has a heart attack.
Comments: http://bbs.chrismoore.com/viewtopic.php?t=14624

Here you go kids. Interesting to compare how I change my history as I go along. “Then, when I was the King of Austria….”
http://popculturezoo.com/archives/134
Comments: http://bbs.chrismoore.com/viewtopic.php?p=190253#190253

Für Meine Deutschen Freunde:
These are the scheduled events for my German book tour in May. I don’t know what to expect any more than you do, but I’m told there will be an actor, who will read my work in German, then they’ll make me read in English, even though I don’t read, then there will be questions and answers.
I speak about nine words of German, meine kinder, (does that mean kids?), so if you don’t know English, you might want to bring a friend who does. I suspect there may be a translator there as well, but if you do know English, keep an eye on them and make sure they are saying what I’m saying, you know, to keep them honest.
Monday, May 5th: Munich 8:00 PM evening event at Muffatcafé, Zellstr. 4
Tuesday, May 6th: Cologne 8:15 PM evening event at Mayersche Buchhandlung (book store), Schildergasse 31-37
Wednesday, May 7th: Berlin 8:00 PM evening event at babylon berlin:mitte (Cinema) Rosa-Luxemburg-Str. 30