Christopher Moore's Blog

You guys know I love the new words the kids are using today. (Officially, that’s the most lame-assed middle-aged thing I have ever composed,besides “I don’t think so honey, if I take another viagra the ceiling fan is going to re-circumcise me. Sorry.) Anyway, words…

From time to time, I run across a few I’d like to work into my vocabulary, usually more for the sound than the meaning.Some of the loyal boardies have gotten me using the Tard variations(Fucktard, Botard, uptarded, and my own personal gaming alias Ubertard) to a point of nearly intolerable political incorrectness, but here’s a few I found on my one my favorite web sites, Urbandictionary.com, and below that, a list of political words that appeared in the NY Times a couple of days ago. All toward helping us achieve more colorful speech and writing.

Your homework, list your fave obscure, new, or made-up word, and really good or funny acronyms are welcome.

kthxbi shortening of “k thx bye”. The K is short for OK, which is short for oll korrect, which is a facetious alteration of All Correct. thx is short for thanx which is a facetious alteration of thanks which is short for thank you. Bye is short for goodbye, which is an alteration of alteration of God be with you. “kthxbye” is the pinnacle of English’s advancement, shortening “All correct, Thank you, God be with you.” into seven lowercase letters. Humanity is doomed. Obviously, it is used to end a conversation *fast* that you don’t want to be in anymore.

Whiny bitch: Here’s your hamburger. Anyway, as I was saying about how bad my life is…

Other dude: Yum, burger. kthxbye. *leaves*

Whiny bitch: I have no friends. Wan wan wan.

douchewaffle An offshoot of the highly popular douchebag. Use in a derogatory sense.

Literal definition: a waffle made using the contents of a douchebag.

Abstract definition: a person who has surpassed the usual level of a ‘douchebag’ and is now at a whole new level of doucheness.

After his accident, Bob Novak is officially a Douchwaffle.

Booty Chirp (noun) a chirp aimed at getting into your pants. (alt) Use of a Boost Mobile phone to call for sex.

I was madd horny so I booty chirped Jamie and told her to get her ass over heah.

fo’ shizzle my batmitzvah

what ghetto jewish kids say

jewish kid 1: what up jewish kid 2: fo’ shizzle my batmitzvah jewish kid 1: wurd dawgie

diet whoopass

A can of Whoopass with only 1 calorie per serving.

I will open a can of diet whoopass on these townies because I am watching my weight.

badonkadonk An ‘ebonic’ expression for an extremely curvaceous female behind. Women who possess this feature usually have a small waist that violently explodes into a round and juicy posterior (e.g., 34c, 24, 38). Other characteristics would be moderately wide hips and a large amount of booty cleavage (i.e, depth of butt-crack).

Her badonkadonk made a brotha pop mad wheelies

Slang Only a Velcroid Would Love By TOM KUNTZ

Actorvist A politically involved actor. (Also, raptivist, the hip-hop version.)

Bafflegab Confusing or unintelligible speech, doublespeak.

“As the parade to the rostrum continued, the bafflegab glossary expanded: Narrowing Parameters, functions of situational variables, diagnostic-planning activity, …”

The Wall Street Journal, March 14, 1967

Barking Head An aggressive or loud broadcast commentator.

Belligerati Any belligerent person or group; as a group, pro-war commentators.

Bogsat [Bunch of Guys Sitting Around a Table’ target=’_blank’> Policy or decision making by a small group of associates.

Bomfog Platitudinous political rhetoric or obfuscation. (From “brotherhood of man under the fatherhood of God,” closing line of a radio speech by John D. Rockefeller Jr., on July 8, 1941; later used as a slogan by Nelson Rockefeller.)

Cave [Citizens Against Virtually Everything.’ target=’_blank’> Persons who seem opposed to all real estate or commercial development or change. Hence Cave people, Cave dweller, Cavie.

Conchie A conscientious objector to military service. Also conshi, conshy.

“We’re ‘conshys’ too – but we don’t work at it.”

Stars & Stripes, Aug. 30, 1918

Doubledome A scholar or intellectual, esp. a highly educated person who holds impractical or unrealistic views.

“Then the doubledomes in Washington set a deadline.”

“Sayonara,” James A. Michener

Drag Influence.

“What’s your angle, Flynn? Where do you get your drag?”

“The Mob,” 1951 film

Flush-Bottom A wealthy contributor.

Globaloney An unrealistic foreign policy or global outlook.

Granfalloon Any large, amorphous organization without real identity. Coined by Kurt Vonnegut.

“Other examples of granfalloons are the Communist Party, the Daughters of the American Revolution, the General Electric Company, the International Order of Odd Fellows – and any nation, anytime, anywhere.

“Cat’s Cradle,” Kurt Vonnegut

Johnny Congress The United States Congress.

“Johnny Congress has been busily engaged for some time past in raising the pay of Naval officers.”

Gettysburg Republican Compiler, Jan. 6, 1835

Minarchist An anarchist in favor of minimal government sufficient only to protect citizen rights and provide civil defense.

“The two main divisions within the modern libertarian movement are the anarchist libertarians, who believe in no government, and the ‘monarchist’ libertarians, who believe that a shred of government is tolerable.”

The Los Angeles Times, Nov. 1, 1985

Mister Whiskers The United States government or one of its law-enforcement agencies.

Neverendum A series of referendums initiated until the desired outcome is achieved, (specif.) referendums on the status of Quebec.

Panda-hugger A specialist in American-Chinese relations said to be too accommodating to Chinese perspectives.

Politainer A politician who is an entertainer.

“Jesse Ventura and the Brave New World of Politainer Politics”

The Star Tribune, Minneapolis, May 4, 2000

Red-Headed Eskimo A precisely targeted bill, law or piece of legislation.

Sheeple Submissive citizens.

“Mrs. Anderson begins every book sale with a lecture, and in this instance she derides taxpayers in general as submissive ‘sheep people’ – or ‘sheeple’ for short.”

The Wall Street Journal, Feb. 27, 1984

Slacktivism Activism which requires little effort.

Snollygoster A shrewd, unprincipled person, esp. a politician.

“A Georgia editor kindly explains that ‘a snollygoster is a fellow who wants office, regardless of party, platform or principles, and who, whenever he wins, gets there by the sheer force of monumental talknophical assumnacy.’ ”

The Columbus Dispatch, Oct. 28, 1895

Turkey Farm A department or agency staffed with political and patronage hirees; (broadly) an underperforming office.

Twinkie Appealing but lacking substance.

“Democratic presidential hopeful Paul Tsongas told the nation’s mayors on Monday that leaders of his own party are advocating ‘Twinkie economics’ by appealing to popular tastes without offering substance.”

Associated Press, June 17, 1991

Vampire State A nation or state seen as consuming excessive resources or taxes, esp. if it delivers services poorly or suffers from chronically weak economic conditions. [Often a play on “Empire State,” a nickname for New York state.’ target=’_blank’>

Velcroid A person who seeks the company of the powerful or famous in an attempt to borrow glory by proximity. Hence velcrosis.

Zoo Plane An airplane carrying journalists accompanying a traveling politician.