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The Festival of the Harvest Moon

September 10th, 2005 · No Comments · Uncategorized

I was just walking down the street in the Union Square area of town — doing my marketing, when this guy started singing opera at me.


“Dude,” he sang, “There is some bad shit going down in Chinatown today. Aliens, I’m telling you, they are infiltrating the festival of the Harvest Moon.”


“Aliens?” I axed.


“Fucking Aliens!” he sang, vocce’ profundo which means really loud..




“They’ve started with the kids, recruiting them against their will.”




And it was pretty obvious that the Opera guy was onto something,


So I headed up the street, past the Bank of the Orient, where the tellers use a much different set of computers than I’m used to.




Once I was in Chinatown, I could immediately see that people were scared, because they had resorted to the ancient Chinese custom of hiding behind their food.




Some more successfully than others.




The Princesses were especially on edge, and had hired extra security against the Aliens, as well as the usual threat of White Devils.




Several princesses from festivals past, thought they had spotted one of the aliens down by the Two Dragon Massage Parlor.




Actually, it was this guy, who had reported something hugging his face a couple of weeks ago, then, after eating one of the festival’s moon cakes, the alien larvae popped out of his chest.




People were terrified, and began to suspect that there were, indeed, Aliens among them.


“No, Dude, I’m not shitting you, there’s like a couple of them right behind you.”




Agent Hong spotted one down by the chicken feet concession and immediately called Headquarters.


“No, they look very human, but there are subtle differences,” he said.




And even as people realized that there was a danger, the aliens were already measuring the children for their nourishment pods.


And the frightened people turned to their faith, heading for the church on Columbus Street, where a wedding had evidently failed to go off…




Brother William was trying to calm them, while explaining that Jesus didn’t really save you from Aliens,


“You see, your soul is like this blue balloon,” said the Brother, “And everybody has one. Then, when you die–”




Disgusted with the Catholic mysticism, Brian decided to seek his own Buddah nature, which just happened to be chillin’ about two feet behind him.




It was no use, and the Aliens knew that they had us on the run.




But we found that even in Chinatown we could come together with common goals.




And by the end of the day, the Aliens fell to our mastery of avian disease.




And once again, things were normal, and you could get an affordable Chinese kid even if you were Chinese.




And everyone vowed that they would always remember. “Remember? Dude, look at the picture, there was this big fucking wall…”




And that was what it was like today in Chinatown…


The end.

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