Christopher Moore's Blog

Miscellany from the Author Guy

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March 14th, 2005 · No Comments

Lib Asks: It has been asked as long as humans have walked upright…what is the meaning of life?

Like I would tell you. Jeeze. Eyes on your own paper.

Argonaught Fleecy Writes:

1.) What’s the theatre scene like in Hawaii?

I saw some improv in a tent by the beach two weeks ago and there’s a group in the next town that gets together on Thursdays to sing show tunes. In Honolulu they have a real theater with a stage and stuff.

2.) Has any of your books ever been adapted into a stage play?

Nope. But a grade school in Solvang, California did Practical Demonkeeping with sock puppets.

3.) Will you buy me a monkey? (This is less of a question and more of a plea)

No. You must learn to fling your own poo.

skunk johnson writes: If/when we get though the current administration (after the next terrorist attacks, subsequent draft, 60’s style marches in the streets, etc), I’m thinking the real estate boom is gonna run it’s course and stocks will make a comeback. I’m thinking tech, but I’m wondering if maybe I might dip a toe in biotech since I’m already ankle-deep in semiconductors and internet stocks. Any other short/long term high-yield, low-risk investment advice is good too. Preferably something I can get into cheap and make a killing on quick.

Well, Skunk, I’d look into Medtronic. They make drug-coated stunts for angioplasty. Angioplasty is much cheaper than bypass (although arguably, not as effective), and with insurance companies looking at ways to cut benefits to patients, the cheaper procedure is the way to go. Boston Scientific is a good play here too, but doesn’t have as strong a balance sheet as Medtronic and they’ve had trouble with their drug-coated stint. If you decide to go into biotech go with the bigger companies with lots of products in the pipeline like Amgen or Genentech. Single product companies may make you a zillionaire, but they are just as likely to lose you money if the FDA stops a drug or therapy in the testing stage. Put tight stops on you biotechs. Every time some douch-waffle who doesn’t get the message from God that the reason she can’t conceive is because she is supposed to keep her tainted genes from peeing in the pool in the first place, and decides to have a litter of morons by in-vitro fertilization, the conservatives preach that the extra embryos should be thrown away instead of being used to develop therapies to cure neurological diseases and spinal cord injuries and biotech takes a hit. You are basically putting your money and security the hands of religious fanatics and the politicians who pander to them. The most promising gene therapies will come from a process that looks very-much like human cloning. People will feed their two-year old fish sticks that have so much mercury that you can tell the kid’s temperature by the red line on his forehead, but mention the word cloning and your going against God and nature.

Blarg Asks: I’ve started drawing again, and the local indy book/music store has agreed to sell my artwork for a few $$$ off each sale…they told me they would rather see more anime style characters and such intead of my current abstract stuff. I’m not dying for the money but it would bring a ton more in. but I absolutely hate drawing stuff i know some little 10 yr old is going to buy and crayon all over. Should I give in?

If you can continue to do the work that challenges you, sure, do the stuff that sells as well. If not, and you can still afford food and shelter, well don’t.

Argonaught Fleecy continues to ask:

4.) I notice that your message board has a Star Trek theme; how do you feel about the cancellation of Star Trek: Enterprise and about the current state of the franchise?

Don’t care. I picked this style because it was easy to read. If they’d had big, Fisher-Price primary color template to work with I’d have picked that. I look at a screen all day. Easy on the eyes is important.

5.) When is the sequel to Bloodsucking Fiends going to be finished?

Spring 06.

6.) When is your next book coming out?

Don’t know. Stupidest Angel 2.0 will be releases next Christmas with a bonus chapter added. After that I don’t know.

7.) Is your next book the aforementioned sequel?


8.) Will you please buy me a monkey? Pretty please with sugar on it?

You gotta get past the monkey thing.

Jilly Beans writes:

Hey I mentioned first about the monkey in another thread. So I have dibs

1. What is otter scrubbing

It’s washing an otter to get oil off his pelt (usually from an oil spill). We usually use Dawn or Palmolive dishwashing liquid because it breaks down oil at the molecular level.

2. What is toad lotto

You leave a big sheet of foam core in the yard every night. In the morning you guess how many toads will be hiding under it. Whoever gets closest wins. We’ve had as many as 27 in one day.

3. When are you coming out with your next book Don’t know.

SGT Steve Asks: How long before you repent of the offer to answer questions?

Soon if I keep getting the monkey question.

FattyFattyPorkFace writes:

How is it that a person can perceive themselves one way and yet act so contrary that other people perceive them entirely different? Is there a way to get the two perceptions to align?


Should I spend my time pondering more important issues such as why I am drawn to bbq potato chips and diet coke with lime? Why lime? Because lemon and vanilla are disgusting but regular diet coke just isn’t quite different enough?

You’re from England, correct? And you haven’t heard about the whole lime thing? Okay, I’m not going to be the one to tell you.

Sara Leigh writes:

What’s the real estate market like in Hawaii?

The average price of a home on Kauai is $625,000, up 45% from last year. Condos start at $425,000 and new condos under $500,000 are usually sold long before they are finished. We looked at a house across from the beach in 1998 that was $400,000. It sold again about six months ago for $3.2 million. Oahu, Maui, and the Big Island have different markets, but all are fairly hot right now. Molokai and Lanai don’t have real estate markets. Despite the astronomical increase in real estate prices around the country, the average mortgage is also increasing. So far people are able to afford the more expensive properties due to the historically low mortgage rates, but with the current administration running up record deficits and proposing another 3 trillion in borrowing to finance private accounts from Social Security, I don’t see this going on for much longer.

Here’s my thinking…

We have to sell debt to foreign investors. The solid value of the dollar and the stability of the American Government has always made American Bonds a good investment, but with the increasing devaluation of the dollar against foreign currencies, and the consolidation of European currencies in the Euro, therefore a stabilization in that new “international” currency, American debt may not be as attractive an investment in the future as it has been in the past, especially given the low returns. In order to make the debt more attractive, a higher rate will have to be paid, thus a higher rate will be charged to the debtor – that’s you, the tax payer. Interest rates will go up in general, and mortgage rates with them. For every percentage point rise in interest rates your payment goes up about $80 per month per hundred thousand of principal.

Essentially the market is controlled by the new, first-time home buyer. The luxury home market has always withstood hits on the greater market, but a million dollars is increasingly the price for an average home in many cities, where ten years ago it constituted a luxury dwelling nearly anywhere. So someone has to buy your million dollar home, and someone has to buy their $800,000 dollar home, and someone has to buy their $500,000 home, but then you start talking about people who are making the home-buying decision based on how big a mortgage they can afford, not how much equity they have built up in their home (first time buyers), and therein lies the problem. Plus, you have to have a place to live, so unless you are willing to downsize, or move to an area with lower property values, the money in your house is little more than the paper profits many of us watched evaporate in the stock market in 2000 and 2001. Enjoy your nice house with the tiny mortgage and the freedom that affords you.

There is money to be made, but if you get caught in the wrong part of the cycle, you can literally lose the roof over your head. That said, I’ve missed some major, major moves in real estate when I could have made serious “fuck you” money if I had made a move, so you might want to talk to people who have been in the business through a couple of “booms” and busts.

Actually, I can’t believe you guys are asking financial questions. I’m not even allowed to handle cash around the house because I’m so irresponsible. Obviously, your comments are encouraged and welcome, especially if you have a clue about money.


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