Christopher Moore's Blog

Miscellany from the Author Guy

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Answers, Answers, Answers!

March 16th, 2005 · No Comments

Jenny O asks What books did you like when you were a kid?

Early on I was heavily into One Fish, Two Fish and Are You My Mother, then, during my sophomore year in college… (kidding)

I liked Jules Verne a lot. I remember reading the illustrated versions and nearly whizzing with anticipation with each chapter because I wouldn’t allow myself to look at the pictures until I read to that part of the book. I also liked Beverly Cleary books, and later Ray Bradbury Stories and the James Bond Novels. At about sixteen I discovered H.P. Lovecraft, then went off on a horror jag for about eight years, where I discovered Richard Matheson, Robert Bloch, Fritz Leiber, Frank Belknap Long, and a number of other horror writers who influenced me to want to write that kind of stuff.


Why, no matter how uncomfortable I am, am I unwilling to move and disturb the cat?

Because you think that the cat is a little person in a fur suit. That’s not the case. Not only doesn’t your cat not have anything important that it’s resting up for, it won’t remember three minutes later if you disturb it, and most important: You will not go to hell for disturbing the cat and it will not count against you, especially if you’ve killed some motherfuckers. I know you were worried about that.

Jewbacca axes: What songs do you want to be played at your funeral? In this order:

I get by with a little help from my friends. (Joe Cocker version) You can’t always get what you want. (Stones) Time after Time (Tuck and Patti Version) Why don’t we get drunk and screw (Jimmy Buffet) Detachable Penis (King Missile) Baba O’Reilly (The Who)

Tal asks: What moment would you relive if you could? Would you change anything?

When my dying mother looks at me and says, “I wasn’t really that bad, was I?” I would say no.

Regina asks:

What’s your most vividly remembered experience with New Wave music?

Playing the Psychedelic Furs Pretty In Pink at full blast on 200 watt speakers in the studio on my Friday radio show while smoking cigarettes, drinking asphalt-thick coffee, and doing Pete Townsend air guitar windmills through the entire song. It’s boring, but that’s it.

Kjs237 asks: Who is more macho: Batman or Spiderman? Why?

Batman, because he broods more. This is not necessarily a good thing, by the way.

Timmy Askesses: Dearest Author Guy,

Please… PLEASE tell me why W insists that the correct pronunciation of the word “Nuclear” is Nuke-ya-ler……cause it’s about to cause me to hemorrhage uncontrollably from the brain……do you think it might be punishment for me living in a red state????

Yes. Sorry. You fucked up.

The up side is that you realize it. That makes you a bigger person than those who actually voted for that evil fucktard. Welcome to the intellectual elite.

Quinn queries:

Quinn here – who has famously offered her home in Romania if you come to town to (ahem) do research. I am currently attending some economic tradecraft training and your home buying riff hurt my head. So here is my question … when all the houses cost more than a million dollars each, where are we, the common folk, supposed to rest our weary heads? Hmm?

‘Kay, first, I did not just drop off the turnip truck and therefore am not accepting any invitations to stay at any house in fucking Romania. That’s sort of on par in cultural illiteracy with going down in the basement in a negligee with a candle to check why the power might have gone out, just after the radio announced that there was a psycho killer on the loose. Not to seem ungracious, but wigga please…

And second, I don’t think it really matters what housing costs are when the only criterion you have is that there has to be someplace dark and in your native soil.

Thanks though.

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