Christopher Moore's Blog

First, before we begin today’s lesson, let’s review.

The rise of the Middle-class in the late 18th Century gave way to wide-spread private commissions for artists that heretofore had only been employed by the very rich and the Church. With this, came numerous portraits that showed the hidden agenda of the subjects, as illustrated in this pair of paintings of the Earl of Tylanol and his wife, by the English Painter, Arthur Devis.

DOES THIS DRESS MAKE MY ASS LOOK BIG? – Devis – 1745

Further we covered the repeated appearance of creepy children as a theme, and I hope to illuminate the rise of this phenomenon in this lesson as well, but here we see how the French artist, Simon Vouet proposes dealing with the menace of the creepy little kids by keeping them busy,

WE TAKE TURNS MOLESTING THE SHEEP – Vouet-1626

But now we shall see how it was sexual jealousy, as well as the confusion of the 17th and 18th Century Male led to both the vilification of little kids, and THE RISE OF THE BAZOOM.

Up until the Renaissance, and the invention of perspective, little attention was paid to what critics like to call, “the sweater muffin”, as the mosaics and tapestries of the Byzantine and Medieval period portrayed everyone as being equally flat-chested. Even into the early Renaissance, most painting was done under commission of the Church, and limited itself, with few exceptions, to Biblical Iconography, as illustrated in the painting below by William Bougaret of Bathsheba receiving a bath from her chambermaid, where we see just the slightest hint of what art historians call “butt cleavage”.
HOLD STILL, BITCH, I WILL BUS’ THIS ARM OFF

From here we see a new freedom arise in painting, as well as in the thinking, as Protestantism gives way to Secular commissions and the artist begins to portray historical scenes.

Let’s follow the progression on thinking through these next three paintings. First, this painting from 1789 by English painter Joseph Wright, depicts a scene from the French Revolution.
GUY DYING AND LITTLE KID MAKING HIS MOVE- Wright -1789

This painting, while garnering some attention because of it’s violent undertones, was only in the gallery for a week and soon could only be seen late night on cable. Thus, less than a year later, Wright attacked the same theme again.

Here again we see the dead soldier, and the opportunistic crumb-snatcher, but Wright has managed to move the spotlight from the horrors of war, and put it front and center on a bustier subject…

FUCK, I JUST HAD YOUR RED COAT CLEANED, TOO – Wright -1790 This painting became wildly popular, and wright went on to paint four sequels, but it is largely agreed that the first one was the best and the franchise folded when the kid, then in young adulthood, was arrested for robbing an Absinthe store and had to go into rehab and was sentenced to model for five community service paintings.

Still, from here, whether it is because of the sexual repression of the times, combined with the fact that artists who had children found themselves “not gettin’ any” the dual themes of bazooms and creepy little kids were on the rise. In this painting, by French painter Jean-Baptiste Oudrey, we see what appears to be an “accidental” revelation, or what art historians call, “a nip slip”.
WARDROBE MALFUNCTION – Oudrey – 1745 It appears we are only witnessing the slight immodesty of a “pink puppy nose” peeking out of his house, until we examine this detail, which reveals the true message of the painting.
Yes, above the modest maiden, we see horny little fat kids enjoying the misfortune entirely too much.

We see an earlier exploration of the theme in Estauche Lesuer’s painting from 1638.
DUDES,THE RUFFIE WORKED! Lesuer -1638

In a later painting by Italina Giovani Grimaldi, we see what appears to be the total triumph of the horny fat kid over Mother Nature, here portrayed as a naked babe.

SHROOMING – Grimaldi – 1680

The genesis of this title seems somewhat enigmatic, until we examine the detail, and discover the other figures in the painting (especially the one on the left) who are…
OBVIOUSLY TRIPPING THEIR ASSES OFF

We will explore rise of the Dionysian theme, and how it accelerates the rise of the Bazoom in ART, in tomorrows lesson: NYMPHS GONE WILD!