Christopher Moore's Blog

The Electric Rhino – An Unwritten Romance
Chapter 5 – The Test Drive
His forearms were like braided leather cords, as cordy and leathery as those lanyard thingies they used to make at summer camp. Penny loved to watch Bert use a screwdriver, he was the master of her heart, and her sex, just like he was the very master of that relatively uncomplicated tool. In fact, that’s how she liked to think of him, as an uncomplicated tool – with cordy, leathery sweaty man arms.
“Okay, are you on?” said Bert. “I’m going to plug it in.” His voice was pure sex, almost as if he had been gargling with male hormones – she longed to hear his hard, male, testosteroni voice.
“Wait,” she said, reticent now, not sure how she looked atop the massive, armored beast. Was she feminine enough? Did these leg irons make her butt look big? Was it wrong to serve rose’ with tater tots? “What about the garage door. Are you sure it will hold this time?”
Bert grinned at her, a coy, dazzling, sexy man-grin, like a baboon who had just ripped the arm off a baby chimp with his teeth and was gnawing it with great irony. “Does baby need some more lube, huh?”
Penny felt herself blushing at the truth, then held out her hand while Bert emptied the tube into her hand…
“Okay,” said Penny with a giggle, feeling the potential power humming between her thighs like a big sack full of epileptic squirrels that you just happen to be straddling. “Plug that bitch in!”

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