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The List!

February 24th, 2009 · 20 Comments

So, I just found out that Fool will debut on the New York Times Hardcover Bestseller list at #4. And I’m very grateful to you readers for that.

But I want to say this:

#4: Fool. Totally funny book with tons of redeeming references to English literature, but not so many that it ruins the murders and the shagging.

#3 Stephanie Meyers: Her vampires are sparkly. Which I think we can all agree is wrong. Okay, maybe not in this book, but still. I think The Host is about a cocktail party gone bad.

#2 James Patterson, I’ve heard he keeps a large stable of Vietnamese children chained in his basement who actually write his books for him. In his defense though, he goes down there and describes sunlight to them and gives them a Mountain Dew if they’ve turned in their book for that week.

#1 John Grisham: Has a law degree, and therefore could totally get another job, while I have no other skills so this writey thing is it for me. So it’s, you know, unfair.

Just sayin’.

Tags: Uncategorized

20 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Alex // Feb 24, 2009 at 6:33 am

    Stephenie Meyer’s next book is actually about how James Patterson and John Grisham are, in fact, the same evil space alien bent on World-of-Literature domination. Can you beat that, funny man?
    Didn’t think so…

  • 2 JasonB // Feb 24, 2009 at 7:14 am


    Fool is hilarious and you deserve it. Too bad you couldn’t make it to Monkey Butt. It could have boosted your sales enough to dethrone Grisham.

  • 3 Drea // Feb 24, 2009 at 7:57 am

    Yay 4th! I wanted to let you know, this is the first book I’m reading on my new Kindle2. Very exciting in so many ways 🙂

  • 4 gretchenfaith // Feb 24, 2009 at 8:29 am

    Dude. I am totally going to have to be on the lookout for James Patterson to make sure he does not try to kidnap my tiny Vietnamese child away from me and try to turn her into a suspense-fiction-writing machine. (I know you have a vested interest in my tiny Vietnamese child since we almost named her Sophie after your character in A Dirty Job. Alas, a gazillion other parents must have loved your book even more than us because there are a gazillion little girls named Sophie right now, so we couldn’t follow through with that.) Thanks for the heads up.

    Stephanie Meyer is a HACK, and there is entirely not enough shagging in her books. You are artiste.

    You should be at number 2, at a minimum.

    PS – there is a photo of you meeting my tiny Vietnamese daughter in Ann Arbor here: – I know she doesn’t look excited, but she was, you know, on the inside.

  • 5 Sky // Feb 24, 2009 at 11:51 am

    yay! Go chris! You totally made the NY best sellers list your bitch! Congrats! I love Fool, its amazing! And sparkley vampires, what the fuck is that about? Shame on you stephine. Shame on you.

  • 6 LEW // Feb 24, 2009 at 1:07 pm

    You need a poster to vault over them; preferably with some nipple showing.

  • 7 Daniel // Feb 24, 2009 at 1:20 pm

    Awesome dude! You’re mainstream now so I can’t read you anymore 😛

  • 8 Seanjangles // Feb 24, 2009 at 2:32 pm

    4 is a cooler number anyway.

  • 9 Molly // Feb 24, 2009 at 2:59 pm

    I guess this means that Politics and Prose is going to be super crowded on Friday…maybe I can turn that around in my favor by using it as an excuse to leave work early…

  • 10 Stefan Jones // Feb 24, 2009 at 5:33 pm

    I’d post what the guy in the #5 spot wrote about you, but there might be children and impressionable adults reading this.

    (I’m not saying I believe it . . . where do you find black rubber spats anyway?)

  • 11 albertriehle // Feb 24, 2009 at 9:42 pm

    Congrats Chris! Fool was great and even though I’m still a little upset about the whole not coming to Chicago thing, I totally think they should get rid of #’s one through three and just make you the champ!

  • 12 Amanda W // Feb 24, 2009 at 11:24 pm

    Oh NOW I know why you wanted everyone to buy the book within the first few days. Unfortuantly the book stores requires the people who attend your signings to buy their copies of Fool there.

    4 is a good number though I agree.

  • 13 Ram Dass Khalsa // Feb 25, 2009 at 1:02 pm

    I was in the Oakland airport the other day and noticed that Fool was placed next to Ann Coulter’s new book “Guilty: Liberal “Victims”. It looked as though the only fool that was selling was the one by the name of Pocket. Congratulations, Chris.

  • 14 wendy // Feb 26, 2009 at 11:07 am

    thanks for coming to NYC. When will the powers that be wise up and finally give you the Union Square BN – i love you enough to watch you through the glass last night but c’mon people, once and for all. He can fill the space!

  • 15 hugo // Feb 26, 2009 at 3:07 pm

    Being number 4 is not so bad. Number 4 has a square root. Can number 1, 2 or 3 say the same?
    Hmm……….Not so much.

  • 16 Zach // Feb 27, 2009 at 4:07 pm

    Dude, remember, 1 is the lonliest number so you dont want that. 2 is ok you got a friend but just a single friend. 3 getting better, threesomes are fun. but 4 ah now thats an orgy and way more exciting than playing by/with yourself. And dont worry about it, no one has ever laughed while reading any of those other peoples’ books. Fool was good shit.

  • 17 Joey The Squash // Feb 27, 2009 at 7:15 pm

    So you’re up there with James Patterson? Stephanie Meyers? Hey sirrah, does that mean you suck now, too? Ha-ha, KIDDING. I’m half way through fool and it’s GREAT. Billy Shakespeare would be proud.

  • 18 Apuch // Mar 1, 2009 at 5:52 pm

    I hear you. Cooking is all I know. I already gave up the chef thing for my children so the bakery things gotta last. Tell me about the brownies writer boy!

  • 19 Carrie // Mar 7, 2009 at 9:57 am

    Patterson only gives out DIET Mt Dew so the Vietnamese children get all of the caffiene, but no sugar because he doesn’t want production slowed down by a sugar crash. Actually,it’s not Patterson at all. One of his ‘co-writers’ has the responsibility.

  • 20 Dan // Apr 4, 2009 at 2:11 pm

    I’ve read alot of your books and I was wondering- who would win in a fight a guy who was completely blue with black hair or a guy who can light up like a Jelly Fish? street rules, no weapons ,and its on top of an abandon high-school.

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