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French Stuff: A Complete Guide

September 7th, 2009 · 9 Comments

Here’s some stuff that I’ve seen lately, out and about in Paris, for those of you who don’t get the Twitter feed, and some stuff that wasn’t on there.

First, if you’re on the Left Bank of the Seine, and you’re looking for a little fast Greek Food,
What Do You Want?

That’s RIGHT! When a BIG ASS GYRO isn’t enough? Also, not a bad stripper name.
Just saying.

I know you loves the French cheese, oui?
Sure, they may be behind us in some things, but they are years beyond us in Cheese.

My friends Max and Marjory, who brought this to me from South-Western France where they are from, assured me that the man is warning the woman: What ever you do, Mamon, don’t cut the cheese!”

It’s soft cheese. Jeeze.

But look, it’s not just soft, stinky cheese

— it’s digital, hi-def, soft stinky cheese,

on USB key.

By the way, “Digital Hi-Def Soft Stinky Cheese”?

Should not be your first choice for a stripper name.

Sure, digital cheese is different, but uh — well:OUCH, Am I right, ladies?
(Yes, that’s Scotch Bright)

Okay, uncomfortable, probably, but you can see yourself in the shine!

So, I’m staying near the Notre Dame cathedral, and I keep posting pictures of it, because it’s coverd with gargoyles, saints, snakes, demons, angels, sportos, motorheads, geeks, sluts, pinheads, dweebies, wonkers, richies, and teletubbies, but what I didn’t see until this time, up on the South-Eastern Roof:

Looks like a little roof surfing to me:

That right, HANG TEN JESUS!

But the weirdest thing I’ve seen this week, was this guy, who was sitting all by himself at the Luxemborg Gardens, in front of a chessboard, checking three cell phones.

Yes, look closely. That’s a paper mustache.
Okay, it might be performance art. In fact I hope it’s performance art. And it’s certainly not funny.
But WTF?
If he’s a criminal, including possibly a terrorist, then DUDE, A PAPER MUSTACHE!?
But what if he’s a cop, working undercover. In that case, DUDE, A PAPER MUSTACHE?

So, just in case, I filmed him. Don’t wait for a punch line. Sorry, but it’s just a guy with three cell phones and a paper mustache being really sketchy.


It it makes you feel any better, I was extraordinarily annoying, AND, I may have either stopped a terrorist attack, ruined an undercover operation, or gotten someone a better grade in drama class, so my work is done here.

I’m working on a piece about the famous and dead for you. See you soon.

Tags: Uncategorized

9 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Joannajax // Sep 7, 2009 at 3:49 pm

    Haha, you are just as paranoid as I am Author guy.

  • 2 Kit // Sep 7, 2009 at 6:53 pm

    The fact that you experienced this makes me happy in a strange, vicarious way.

  • 3 Marayna Dickinson // Sep 8, 2009 at 3:25 am

    Leave my father alone! Ever since that accident in ’83 he hasn’t been the same, okay?! Sure, he wears a paper mustache, but who doesn’t these days? Wear….paper mustaches……?

    (you’ll eventually tire of my antics, if not already)

  • 4 K'Hovak // Sep 8, 2009 at 2:45 pm

    I’m betting that they prevented “Monsieur Papier Mustache” from boarding his flight to Atlanta for Dragon*Con, and he was just trying to keep abreast (so to speak) of all he was missing. Some of what he may have be “receiving” (with enough tin-foil) …

    “Yes … a string and some plastic salad was ALL she was wearing. But she was like 60.”

    “A Jedi wears not high-heels.”

    “A Shatner autograph is 80-bucks?!! #@%ER!!! Guess I should book that autograph with Orbitz.”

    “200 for a phot0-op with Patrick Stewart? Do they account for the glare, or it that extra?”

    “Really, this Klingon was having a Global Warming discussion with Dr. Phlox … but it made sense. Of course, the aliens would better understand that the planet is now on ‘parboil’.”

    “Dude, do you want a Fruity Oaty Bar lunchbox?”

    These were all real DragonCon “sounds/sightings” …except the charge for extra glare.

  • 5 Mike // Sep 9, 2009 at 7:16 am

    These posts have been the highlight of my day. I think when all this is over, you need to cobble them together and create a “Christopher Moore’s Guide to Europe”. I’d buy it.
    … then I’d convince you to come to Canada finally…. weather and economy be damned… and I’d get you to sign it.

  • 6 Liv (livling) 's status on Friday, 11-Sep-09 21:12:21 UTC - // Sep 11, 2009 at 2:12 pm

    […] Hang Ten Jesus! is the #bandname of my new surfer garage-folk group. (Credit C. Moore: […]

  • 7 Mary // Sep 13, 2009 at 5:22 am

    Hi Chris,
    Just want to let you know how much I enjoy your posts!
    Have a great day!

  • 8 Mark A. Rayner // Sep 15, 2009 at 3:09 pm

    I’m still trying to decide which is the better stripper name:

    Super Ass Gyro


    Sally Climat-i-see

  • 9 Brandi // Sep 30, 2009 at 2:01 pm

    Your blog is pretty funny. Too bad I didn’t find it when I was living in France.
    BTW, I am sure that gyro is really tasty.

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