Christopher Moore's Blog

Miscellany from the Author Guy

Christopher Moore's Blog header image 2

Wisdom, almost free — the Author Guy Answers

March 26th, 2005 · No Comments · Uncategorized

Yet another installment of “The Author Guy Answers Your Questions.” It’s late, I’m tired, so if you aren’t satisfied with the answers, then perhaps you didn’t ask the right question. (Or, you know, I could be slacking off.)


Lib writes:


Does it every make you nervous to be living on a volcano in


the middle of the ocean or do you just go with the flow?


It does make me nervous, but I find that I do my best work


under pressure, and having a river of molten rock heading for


your office, that, my friends, is pressure. I do it all for you.


Think Insane Asks:


Why isn’t it legal for me to punch everyone I see until the


nicotine cravings stop? I’m just asking, cuz you know, I want


to do that.


Because smoking is bad for you. Duh.


Palmer asks:


Why is it that we have a bestselling author here who is


willing to answer any of our questions about writing in a


dedicated forum (“so you wanna be a writer”), and nobody,


me included, can think of anything else to ask him? Why?


Sometimes, recognizing the correct question to ask, is the


point.


Chuin queries:


Why is it that author will wait till we are over halfway into a


book before giving a description of the leading character?


Actually, I think this is a total bullshit move on the part of any


author, and wildly unfair. You need to have at least a couple


of details to go on. I think the worst violation of this I


remember is T.C. Boyle’s Water Music, where you get about


200 pages into the book before finding out the narrator is


about five-five and weighs 250 or so. Until then you’re sort of


allowed to get the impression of a completely different


character. As I said, I think it’s bullshit, and it gives you the


right to not read any more books by that guy. Boyle,


however, is still writing interesting stuff, and that was a very


early effort, I think.


Lauren asks:


Cows: why?


I’m glad you asked that, Lauren. Ans: Because.


kitcoe axes:


What exactly is a Koozmanian Mortafuffle? and do they


really have 3 1/2 wings?


The Koozmanian Mortafuffle is just another name for a


you-know-what. How many wings it has sort of depends on


how adventurous you are in your choice of attire, if you know


what I mean.


John asks:


If two eggs cost 69 cents, how much does a pound of butter


weigh?


You are paying way too much for your eggs. Probably should


spend less time weighing your butter and more time


comparison shopping.


Regina asks:


What are some big “red flags” when entering a relationship


with someone new (friend, busines, etc… ) ?


You want to watch for any unidentified “organ meat” in their


fridge. Also, anyone who starts slamming heroin or smoking


crack on a first date you want to cool things with, especially


if you’re still at the dinner table.


sjt asks:


What are your favorite Zombie-themed movies?


I like Evil Dead 2, Shaun of the Dead (of course), and Dead


Alive (one of Peter Jackson’s first movies, entitled


“Braindead” in the U.K.).


And finally, Sgt_steve asks:


Since Ossie Davis is now dead, who should play President


Kennedy in Bubba Nosferatu


Ossie Davis, of course. Who would be more appropriate in a


movie about the undead?

Share

Tags:

No Comments so far ↓

There are no comments yet...Kick things off by filling out the form below.

Leave a Comment