More inane answers to your insightful questions.
Why do 90 percent of the movies made from Video Games,
TV Shows and Books suck?
Well, this is all evidence of Sturgeon’s law, which states that
90% of everything is crap. And if you think about it, that
especially applies to TV and video games. Not really a huge
surprise that even a good video game can be made into a
bad movie. But who was surprised that Starsky and Hutch
was a shitty movie? The Beverly Hillbillys? It goes the other
way around, too. Clueless, good movie (IMHO), crappy TV
Don’t even get started with the good books that have been
made into miserable films. Usually it’s because you simply
can’t effectively tell a 100-200,000 word (or more) story in
fewer than 50,000 words, which is script length. Choices —
cuts — have to be made, and often even a screenwriter with
the best intentions will gut a good book. Sometimes it’s just
best to look at the film and the book as separate entities,
that way you won’t be disappointed. For instance,
Bladerunner is a pretty cool movie. Doesnt’ have much to do
with the book from which it was made, but it’s a pretty cool
movie. In the case of legal thrillers, I think some of the
movies are actually better than the books — the
performances by the actors give more dimension to the
characters than the authors do. Elmore Leonard’s books
were brutally abused in Hollywood for years. You’d read his
books and you’d think they were natural to be made into
movies, then they’d be crap on film. It took Tarantino, I think,
to wake people up as to how you film a Leonard book. Still,
some will hit, some will miss.
If a book sells a million copies it’s a runaway bestseller. If a
movie sells only a million tickets, it’s a miserable failure. That
alone, that need to appeal to a larger audience, often causes
producers to water down those elements that were the vary
appeal of the book. In order to appeal to a wider
demographic, or a different demographic, they fuck up the
As for my own stuff, as much as I’d love to have the career
boost that a major motion picture can provide, I’d much
rather see a book like Lamb made into a ten hour
mini-series. It just has too much going on for a two hour
movie, and once they are done cutting it, it’s going to be like
any goofy interpretation of the gospels. It doesn’t fit in the
three act structure. Bloodsucking Fiends, on the other hand,
was written to a three act structure, and would make a great
movie, I think. Unfortunately, I sold it outright to a producer
who can’t get it made, and has the rights in perpetuity.
Also from Stackroo42
Have you read the DaVinci Code? If so, What did you think?
I think that it would be nice to get Dan Brown’s royalties.
Other than that, I thought it was an okay thriller.
Why does my cat think the best place to sleep is my
keyboard when I’m using it?
Because you keep pointing to it. The irony? Point to anything
else and your cat will look at your finger. Maybe if you made
little clicky noises by tapping his kitty bed for an hour then he
would sleep there.
What’s your favorite comfort food?
Mac and Cheese, in giant quantities. Malted milk, also in
giant quantities, and mashed potatoes, in giant quantities. I
think quantities may have something to do with my level of
comfort. If I feel a need for comfort food, I like to eat myself
into a stupor. Appropriately, I’ve been on a high-protein, low
carb diet for about four months now.
And what’s your favorite comfort read – the book or series
you re-read when a cold had you running at half-capacity?
When I reread anything it’s usually poetry (Billy Collins,
lately) or Steinbeck. And with Steinbeck it’s almost always
Cannery Row, Sweet Thursday, Tortilla Flat, or The
Pastures of Heaven.
Ferrit Leggings Asks:
What is your Fav Vonnegut book?
Probably Bluebeard, which I know is a weird choice, but I
really liked the commentary on the artist. I also liked
Slapstick a lot.
I work with a chronic whistler. Non stop whistling, all day
long. He does whistle actual tunes…nonetheless, I am
overwhelmed with the desire to punch him the face. Even
though he is my friend.
Does that make me a bad person?
No, Jod, that does not make you a bad person. Relax. You
were a bad person before.
Bo and Luke Duke in The Dukes of Hazard welded the doors
of the General Lee shut. They had to get in through the
windows. What did they do when it rained?
Well they got wet, didn’t they? It probably already occurred to you, but there was no written test to become a Duke of Hazzard, just a fair amount of stagnation in your particular gene pool (that erred on the side of physical appearance, not brains.) They got wet. They probably put Daisy by the window, drove around until she was really soaked, then went down to the local junior high and charged a buck a head for the young-uns to look at their sister all wet and slippery and such. Shucks, they was still young themselves, and didn’t even know they was Republicans yet.
Why does my son insist on using my bathroom when his is
so much bigger and nicer?
He is male. Peeing is about territory. It doesn’t matter that his is better, it’s that yours is not his. You should check into having him neutered.
What was the best vacation you ever took?
The one where I got certified to scuba dive, in Maui, many years ago. There was a lot of intense study, followed by great practical experience and the opening of a great new world. Before that I was usually so hammered that I don’t remember my vacations, and since then the only thing remotely like a vacation has been some form of research trip or promotional tour — so I was working, more or less. Which is not a bad thing. I don’t really have much to vacation from, anymore. I really, really like my job, and I’ve always lived in beautiful places where other people go on vacation.
Are you going to see Spamalot? Can I go with you if you
Nope. I don’t think I”ll be in New York for quite a while.