Yet another installment of “The Author Guy Answers Your Questions.” It’s late, I’m tired, so if you aren’t satisfied with the answers, then perhaps you didn’t ask the right question. (Or, you know, I could be slacking off.)
Does it every make you nervous to be living on a volcano in
the middle of the ocean or do you just go with the flow?
It does make me nervous, but I find that I do my best work
under pressure, and having a river of molten rock heading for
your office, that, my friends, is pressure. I do it all for you.
Think Insane Asks:
Why isn’t it legal for me to punch everyone I see until the
nicotine cravings stop? I’m just asking, cuz you know, I want
to do that.
Because smoking is bad for you. Duh.
Why is it that we have a bestselling author here who is
willing to answer any of our questions about writing in a
dedicated forum (“so you wanna be a writer”), and nobody,
me included, can think of anything else to ask him? Why?
Sometimes, recognizing the correct question to ask, is the
Why is it that author will wait till we are over halfway into a
book before giving a description of the leading character?
Actually, I think this is a total bullshit move on the part of any
author, and wildly unfair. You need to have at least a couple
of details to go on. I think the worst violation of this I
remember is T.C. Boyle’s Water Music, where you get about
200 pages into the book before finding out the narrator is
about five-five and weighs 250 or so. Until then you’re sort of
allowed to get the impression of a completely different
character. As I said, I think it’s bullshit, and it gives you the
right to not read any more books by that guy. Boyle,
however, is still writing interesting stuff, and that was a very
early effort, I think.
I’m glad you asked that, Lauren. Ans: Because.
What exactly is a Koozmanian Mortafuffle? and do they
really have 3 1/2 wings?
The Koozmanian Mortafuffle is just another name for a
you-know-what. How many wings it has sort of depends on
how adventurous you are in your choice of attire, if you know
what I mean.
If two eggs cost 69 cents, how much does a pound of butter
You are paying way too much for your eggs. Probably should
spend less time weighing your butter and more time
What are some big “red flags” when entering a relationship
with someone new (friend, busines, etc… ) ?
You want to watch for any unidentified “organ meat” in their
fridge. Also, anyone who starts slamming heroin or smoking
crack on a first date you want to cool things with, especially
if you’re still at the dinner table.
What are your favorite Zombie-themed movies?
I like Evil Dead 2, Shaun of the Dead (of course), and Dead
Alive (one of Peter Jackson’s first movies, entitled
“Braindead” in the U.K.).
And finally, Sgt_steve asks:
Since Ossie Davis is now dead, who should play President
Kennedy in Bubba Nosferatu
Ossie Davis, of course. Who would be more appropriate in a
movie about the undead?