Christopher Moore's Blog

Miscellany from the Author Guy

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Everything you ever wanted to know about everything…

March 28th, 2005 · No Comments

More inane answers to your insightful questions.

stackyroo42 asks:

Why do 90 percent of the movies made from Video Games,

TV Shows and Books suck?

Well, this is all evidence of Sturgeon’s law, which states that

90% of everything is crap. And if you think about it, that

especially applies to TV and video games. Not really a huge

surprise that even a good video game can be made into a

bad movie. But who was surprised that Starsky and Hutch

was a shitty movie? The Beverly Hillbillys? It goes the other

way around, too. Clueless, good movie (IMHO), crappy TV


Don’t even get started with the good books that have been

made into miserable films. Usually it’s because you simply

can’t effectively tell a 100-200,000 word (or more) story in

fewer than 50,000 words, which is script length. Choices —

cuts — have to be made, and often even a screenwriter with

the best intentions will gut a good book. Sometimes it’s just

best to look at the film and the book as separate entities,

that way you won’t be disappointed. For instance,

Bladerunner is a pretty cool movie. Doesnt’ have much to do

with the book from which it was made, but it’s a pretty cool

movie. In the case of legal thrillers, I think some of the

movies are actually better than the books — the

performances by the actors give more dimension to the

characters than the authors do. Elmore Leonard’s books

were brutally abused in Hollywood for years. You’d read his

books and you’d think they were natural to be made into

movies, then they’d be crap on film. It took Tarantino, I think,

to wake people up as to how you film a Leonard book. Still,

some will hit, some will miss.

If a book sells a million copies it’s a runaway bestseller. If a

movie sells only a million tickets, it’s a miserable failure. That

alone, that need to appeal to a larger audience, often causes

producers to water down those elements that were the vary

appeal of the book. In order to appeal to a wider

demographic, or a different demographic, they fuck up the


As for my own stuff, as much as I’d love to have the career

boost that a major motion picture can provide, I’d much

rather see a book like Lamb made into a ten hour

mini-series. It just has too much going on for a two hour

movie, and once they are done cutting it, it’s going to be like

any goofy interpretation of the gospels. It doesn’t fit in the

three act structure. Bloodsucking Fiends, on the other hand,

was written to a three act structure, and would make a great

movie, I think. Unfortunately, I sold it outright to a producer

who can’t get it made, and has the rights in perpetuity.

Also from Stackroo42

Have you read the DaVinci Code? If so, What did you think?

I think that it would be nice to get Dan Brown’s royalties.

Other than that, I thought it was an okay thriller.

Why does my cat think the best place to sleep is my

keyboard when I’m using it?

Because you keep pointing to it. The irony? Point to anything

else and your cat will look at your finger. Maybe if you made

little clicky noises by tapping his kitty bed for an hour then he

would sleep there.

Regina asks:

What’s your favorite comfort food?

Mac and Cheese, in giant quantities. Malted milk, also in

giant quantities, and mashed potatoes, in giant quantities. I

think quantities may have something to do with my level of

comfort. If I feel a need for comfort food, I like to eat myself

into a stupor. Appropriately, I’ve been on a high-protein, low

carb diet for about four months now.

Sgt_Steve askes:

And what’s your favorite comfort read – the book or series

you re-read when a cold had you running at half-capacity?

When I reread anything it’s usually poetry (Billy Collins,

lately) or Steinbeck. And with Steinbeck it’s almost always

Cannery Row, Sweet Thursday, Tortilla Flat, or The

Pastures of Heaven.

Ferrit Leggings Asks:

What is your Fav Vonnegut book?

Probably Bluebeard, which I know is a weird choice, but I

really liked the commentary on the artist. I also liked

Slapstick a lot.

Jodiferous asks:

I work with a chronic whistler. Non stop whistling, all day

long. He does whistle actual tunes…nonetheless, I am

overwhelmed with the desire to punch him the face. Even

though he is my friend.

Does that make me a bad person?

No, Jod, that does not make you a bad person. Relax. You

were a bad person before.


Bo and Luke Duke in The Dukes of Hazard welded the doors

of the General Lee shut. They had to get in through the

windows. What did they do when it rained?

Well they got wet, didn’t they? It probably already occurred to you, but there was no written test to become a Duke of Hazzard, just a fair amount of stagnation in your particular gene pool (that erred on the side of physical appearance, not brains.) They got wet. They probably put Daisy by the window, drove around until she was really soaked, then went down to the local junior high and charged a buck a head for the young-uns to look at their sister all wet and slippery and such. Shucks, they was still young themselves, and didn’t even know they was Republicans yet.


Why does my son insist on using my bathroom when his is

so much bigger and nicer?

He is male. Peeing is about territory. It doesn’t matter that his is better, it’s that yours is not his. You should check into having him neutered.

What was the best vacation you ever took?

The one where I got certified to scuba dive, in Maui, many years ago. There was a lot of intense study, followed by great practical experience and the opening of a great new world. Before that I was usually so hammered that I don’t remember my vacations, and since then the only thing remotely like a vacation has been some form of research trip or promotional tour — so I was working, more or less. Which is not a bad thing. I don’t really have much to vacation from, anymore. I really, really like my job, and I’ve always lived in beautiful places where other people go on vacation.

Are you going to see Spamalot? Can I go with you if you


Nope. I don’t think I”ll be in New York for quite a while.

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