Christopher Moore's Blog

Today we will trace the rise of the Bazoom in European painting. Remember, as the middle class rose in the Europe and the artist became free to portray subject matter beyond religious themes and portraits of nobility, he turned, quite understandably, to the subject of bazooms. First, as part of a subtle progression, but later, as we shall see, as a full-on psycho-sexual hooter-fest, we will call– NYMPHS GONE WILD.

Note the progression in these two paintings by Belgian painter Pieter Dechanel, for the late 1700s. We can see the exactly where the libido hits the brush in the progression — two depictions of girls exploring their identity at a pair of slumber parties.
WHEN I LOOK “DOWN THERE” IN THE MIRROR, IT’S LIKE I SAT ON A TROLL! – Dechanel – 1783

Here all modesty has fallen by the wayside, and we sense that we’ve just missed a moment.
FLUSHED FROM BUFFING THE TROLL’S NOSE – Dechanel – 1784

Leading up to these domestic scenes, we see the familiar theme of naked women and creepy little fat kids but in this painting from Michael-Francios Dandre-Bardon we actually see the artist conveying what he suspects is a conspiracy…

BRAINSTORMING THE NOOKIE FAIRY CONCEPT– Dandre-Bardon 1638

The nature of the “conspiracy” is further illustrated in this painting from 1658 by French painter Eustache Le Suer.

THE ARROW WILL WAKE HIM, THEN I’ll HIT HIM WITH THE KNOCKERS – Le Suer – French – 1658

Ironically, more and more the male artists of the period expressed in their art what they felt was the commidization of nudity, as in this early depiction by Johann Karl Loth, of a stripper “negotiating” a performance.

THE BOTTOMS WILL COST YOU ANOTHER SHEEP, HORN DOG

But it turned out that young artists supplying their models with alcohol, discovered an entirely new means of achieving bazoomization, as illustrated in this 1740 painting by Jean-Marc Natier of a joyously hammered model at a costume party.

OKAY, IT’S OFF, NOW CAN YOU TELL WHO I AM?– Natier – 1740

Again we see the theme of alcohol applied to the artistic process in this depiction of an inebriated model having a problem with her accoutrements, by French painter, Simon Vouet.
SHUT UP AND HELP ME WITH MY NIPPLE RING? – Vouet- French-1747

And the phenomenon goes to it’s logical conclusion in this 1765 depiction of Daytona Beach by Giovanni Tiapolo.
I ONLY HAD SIX LITTLE ICE TEAS — HEY, WHY AM I ALL STICKY?

Which brings us to the point in art history when the camera is invented, and images of the naked female form become cheap and plentiful, thus freeing the artist to express himself and making way for the Impressionist Movement, typified by this painting by Claude Monet – from 1889.

VIEW OF MONTE MARTE THE DAY I FORGOT MY GLASSES-Monet – French -1889

Our Next Lesson, Modern Art, May take some time. They didn’t allow me to take pictures at the MOMA, so I’m going to have to construct the history of modern art from a book and some postcards that I bought. — CM